Online shopping is so exciting, isn’t it? Especially when you order a little treat in the middle of the night and by morning it’s forgotten. A few days later that little something pops up in your letterbox & it’s like Christmas all over again. *happy bean grin* BUT! What if that little something is not delivered by Royal Mail, but indeed a company such as Yodel or Hermes? I can hear you shudder with dread. Yes, the delivery dread – the fear your parcel (containing your new iPad) will be thrown over the fence, shoved into your bin – or even your neighbour’s bin! *wipes sweaty forehead* This post shall be a review of a number of delivery companies that I’ve encountered over the past year or so. Let the frustration soaked words flow..
One would think that with the frequency of undelivered mail I get, my postbox must be hidden behind 10 locked doors, in a safe with a 10 digit combination, tucked away somewhere in a Tarzan’s den high in the trees. No. My postbox is in a communal area of building with 8 flats on a main street in a town adjacent to Birmingham. There are shops, bars and a number of other commercial premises, together with apartment blocks which are clearly marked by their name at the top of each entrance door and a buzzer for each flat next to the door (in a convenient eye level).
Royal Mail always gets it right. My two regular postmen (and an occasional postwoman) deliver my post every day without any issue, they’re such nice, helpful people, I sometimes want to hug them (if you’re a blogger you can imagine the load of parcel they deliver to you every day & how guilty it makes you feel). When I’m not at home, they leave a calling card in my postbox and within 24 hours I can pop into my local post office branch and pick it up. Parcels which come via Royal Mail are sometimes even from China – yet they still get delivered without any doubt or hassle.
Fedex, UPS, Parcelforce, DHL, TNT get it right. Most of the times. I’ve used these to have my parcels delivered but also to send parcels. Both was without any major issue. Once or twice I had to travel miles to pick up my parcel from a depot (why oh why are some depots 20 miles away, I don’t know), but they have always been kind to me, left the calling card under the door of the communal hallway, e-mailed me a confirmation of this (or at least displayed this on their tracking system), rang my mobile when they couldn’t access the building or couldn’t locate the right one, and eventually delivered the parcel.
DPD has been a bit of a disappointment lately. They used to be pretty good until the past month or so. I’ve been really enjoying their ‘track Simon & your parcel’ thing, which is super useful and quite funky (‘Simon, are you now delivering sandwiches to Subway? Cuz that’s where your little arrow is pointing at! Haha’). However, it can prove rather frustrating when it shows that Simon is next door, so you get yourself all ready to run outside & welcome your Christmas parcel with open arms – and then it refreshes into ‘You were not at home, we left you a calling card’, so you run outside – there’s no Simon, no calling card and no parcel. In the following seconds you dial DPD customer service in a speed of light and they tell you your parcel can be delivered in a few day’s time because Simon is on a tight schedule & unfortunately can’t come back and re-deliver your parcel. WHY, SIMON, WHY?! Just ring the buzzer, Simon, or ring me – you’ve got my number! Since the tracking shows exactly when you’re going to be at mine, I’m obviously gonna make sure I’m at home or I’m gonna re-schedule it. For God’s sake! This is frustration level 98.
Hermes & Yodel never get it right. Instead, they get it terribly, terribly wrong! Now it’s time for stories of parcels wedged under the wheel of your car, thrown against your closed windows or stuck in your drain pipes. Let’s demonstrate their actions on a few of my own stories (just to keep it real, so they can’t say I copied these horror stories of Reddit).
Story number one. I ordered a vintage book from the US. It was a one off vintage book which is obviously pretty hard to find since it was published in 1935 in only a few copies. A month later – after all the import taxes, customs-hullah and whatnot, the parcel was meant to arrive. It didn’t. After a few hours of calling their customer services it looked like it was delivered to someone else in the building. Nope, no one’s got it. After some Twitter drama, the kind Yodel Twitter team (most likely the only decent chaps in the whole company by the looks of it) investigated a bit further (via Google maps & some GPS data) and it looked like the parcel was delivered to a different building. Although it was signed for, they were never able to retrieve it (and told me the only way to do so it go around the block & ask people myself, believe it or not!!). I filed an official complaint and I got a sorry-letter back. Hope you enjoy my vintage book about cats in colourful dresses, you bloody bastards!!
Story number two. I bought a mattress and two pillows to be delivered by Hermes. The mattress got lost once. You know, when people order a mattress, that usually means they haven’t got one, so losing mattress nummero uno and delaying the process of its delivery up to a week’s time ain’t brill. The pillows got lost twice (and by lost I mean delivered to someone else and never retrieved). Then I gave up and bought them in a shop. Again, hope someone gets the worst morning stiff neck from my 2 sets of memory foam pillows!!
Story number three. I ordered a camera lens via Amazon – to be delivered by Yodel. Nope, that never arrived, either. Funny side story – the seller didn’t want to send me a refund (because someone else signed for it, but trust me it wasn’t me!) so I had to report him to Amazon and then Amazon refunded me a few weeks later. And waiting for a few weeks to get your £80 which you were saving up for months is plain frustrating to say the least.
Story number four. I bought a blow up mattress via Amazon – to be delivered by Yodel. I wasn’t at home, but when I came back from work I found a calling card under the door. The following morning I rang up and they informed me that the mattress was sent back. AFTER 1 ATTEMPT TO DELIVER, and in less than 24 hours of leaving the calling card. It took Yodel another week to deliver the mattress back and yet another week to have the company send another one out – which got delivered – to my work address (I couldn’t risk more delays because believe it or not, I needed the mattress for a family visit!).
Story number five. I had a voucher for ASOS, so I bought a dress and a pair of socks in sale. Sitting at home, waiting for the parcel to be delivered – by Hermes – BAM! The tracking system says it was delivered to me. And I signed for it! DID I?! So I rang up ASOS and was advised to file the claim online. The order will be re-dispatched to me. I say yes, please. ASOS says: Oh no, we refunded you the dress because it’s out of stock and sent out the socks only. Within some 3 minutes I replied that I do not wish to have the socks delivered, because for God’s sake – we’re talking about a pair of SOCKS here and I’m not willing to go through the whole ‘someone signed for it but it wasn’t me’ drama. BAM! Too late – but – when you receive the order you can return it and we will refund it. So I’m waiting, waiting. It was DPD who was meant to deliver it this time. I was at home, willing to accept my £1 socks from Simon. BAM! You were not at home, we shall try it again in 3 days’ time (this information was on the online tracking system, no calling card whatsoever). So I rang up DPD and told them that I do not wish to have that parcel delivered at all because I was at home and I don’t even have a calling card which makes me think they didn’t get the building right. Oh no, they can’t do anything, I have to have it delivered. I rang up ASOS – oh no, we can’t do anything, but you can refuse the parcel when they try again, wait for another week for them to deliver it back to us and then we can refund you that £1. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?!
At this point, I don’t even want to shop online anymore – and this is just a selection of a few of the top delivery drama stories, if I was to write about them all, I’d still be here tomorrow. I wish companies told you what courier they use, because if I knew ASOS were using Hermes, I would have never placed the order in first place. My brain just cannot accept that there are people out there pretending to be delivery men but can’t even find a clearly marked apartment on a high street – why don’t you at least get Google Maps, for flip sake? Why?! This makes me so furious and frustrated that words & emotions fail me. I have this urge to order pin badges which say something along the lines of ‘the most unreliable/plain awful’ & send them to Yodel & Hermes – but then, they would probably never deliver them to me in the first place. *sigh*