I would love to tell you that living with Cookie is all about treats & cuddles. It’s not. In fact, Cookie is a bit of a douche bag. Before I start telling you about all his naughtiness, let me remind you that we’ve been together for good 3 years now. Three and a half to be precise. That’s the longest I’ve ever been in a relationship with a male of any species including humans. We are kinda big deal. Long-term and for life. Forevz. You know when you get together with someone for the very first time and it’s all lovey-dovey and he brings ya flowers and smells gorgeous all the time? Yeah, we’re passed that. Well passed that. Cookie eats my flowers and smells like tuna cat food. All. The. Time.
✓ Cookie likes waking me up in the middle of the night… with his stinky Felix-rabbit-chunks scented farts
✓ If a parcel pops through the postbox in my door, Cookie takes the initiative and removes it from behind the door. With his teeth!
✓ I’ve started buying about twice as much meat I’d normally need for my usual dinner – because Cookie always finds a way to distract me whilst I’m cooking so he can jump on the worktop and steal the biggest piece. And if I try to conquer it back he growls at me. Like a dog!
✓ Whenever I’m folding fresh laundry Cookie seems to become fully consumed by his sock-stealing obsession. I can never find all my socks, ever.
✓ When Cookie gets cross with me he makes sure I know. In his eyes, the most effective way is to poop right in front of the door of the room I’m currently in (to increase the chances of me stepping in it) or suspiciously close to the litter box but not in it (to let me know that he could have aimed better but why).
✓ Cookie is very thoughtful and sometimes believes he’s a specialist in human nutrition. Whenever I’m eating a bar of chocolate he finds a way to climb up on the table and slap my hand. Ta chuck!
✓ And he judges the crap out of me. Ever. Single. Day.
✓ He also snores the cutest little kitty snores in the world.
✓ Only when you get Cookie’s happy dribbles all over your shoulder you know you’re home.
✓ When Cookie has nightmares he wakes me up by licking my hand and won’t stop until I rub his belly.
✓ Whenever a stranger comes to the house Cookie greets them with a protective growl. Only once he gets the approving nod from me he plays nice.
✓ Cookie lets me spin him around on the slippery wooden floor for fun. And it is fun, trust me!
✓ We go for walkies in the garden and play with grass and strings.
✓ When it’s wet outside Cookie only walks on the concrete slabs in the garden so he doesn’t need to have his paws cleaned afterwards.
✓ Cookie is always there when I need him. When I have bad days, and good days – he’s always there with his little beady eyes and a lion mane, my little tiger kitty.
And here are the things I’ve learnt from Cookie.
I love you, Cookie, ya little bastard!